how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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