Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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