Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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