I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
