I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
