fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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