just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
