Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
