you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
