no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
