i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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