I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
