It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
