The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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