Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
