Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
