I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize