I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
