I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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