I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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