My friends, they love my intelligence
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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