i was born a porn star she said
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
