WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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