I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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