Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
