I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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