We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
