He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Randomize
