U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize