On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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