u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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