Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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