She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
