Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
