Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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