I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
