i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
