I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
