Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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