oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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