There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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