He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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