I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
handjob tips. give me some.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
