I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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