Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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