i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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