hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
