I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
