He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
