I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
