Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
