are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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