I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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