yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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