2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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