Me. At least after what I've been through.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
