Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
