not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
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Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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