Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
