Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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