so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Success! We fucked roommates!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
