A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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