I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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