Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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