I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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