I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
