How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
