I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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