When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
