Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
