your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
